It's officially September and I admit that I am a little bummed about it. I realized that this summer was not the "dream summer" that I had in mind back in June. I was reading a couple of ending entries in my drama journal and on my very last entry I wrote about how I was so excited for summer. I wrote about how I wanted to find new ways to inspire me and how I wanted to read all these different books. The only book I read this summer was Wasteland and inspiring things...? Nothing that kept my interest for more than a week.

I realized that in these past couples of months I have been very impulsive and emotional. I've been throwing away my own advice and oddly I do not feel regretful or guilty about it (like I usually do). It's a weird feeling that saddens me, but also makes me feel really angry too. Confusion perhaps. Earlier in the week, I was talking to my friend Sue and she told me that perhaps all this negative energy is because I will soon be leaving to college. And I was thinking that it might be true because in my own past experience before a life changing moment, I would go through a long period of... well bad or negative things. But usually after that, lots of really good and amazing things would come out of it. Idk though.

Anyways... last Friday, my friends and I were able to see Hugo on his last day before he went to New York. However, since I knew my parents have been upset with me, I sort of ran away from home to go meet up with them. Dad was really worried and he called me a couple of times during the night, but I ignored all his calls. ^^; I did call him once to tell him that I was okay, but I never left him my location or anything. I was too concerned about being with my friends since it would be the last time being all together with Hugo. When we finally had to say goodbye, I couldn't help but cry even though Hugo kept telling me not to, lmao. (I miss him already. D:)

In other news, I took some random pictures today for fun. They aren't meant to be pretty. D: It's been really hot here in California, but the late afternoons have been so nice. I call these pictures me "Running to the Sun" pictures. Actually, I'm running around in my driveway/front yard and not to the sun. D:


( running to the sun )


Since I can't really go online as often anymore, I've been listening to A LOT of music. I finally got around to Imogen Heap's new album Ellipse. It's pretty, but not my favorite album (which makes me sad... I say that a lot now huh?). Also after many years, I'm back into Alice Nine again (when was the last time I spoke of them?).





For some reason I find Asian boys to be cute again. Shocking. D:

Oh and I'm also listening to a lot of Black Eye Peas. They have been my soundtrack for this summer. lol.

P.S Sorry for typos. I'm sleeeeepy.
And crazy for Alice Nine.

These days I don't feel very happy with myself. I feel very uncomfortable and confused as if I was missing something important. I am very critical of myself and I hate that because it shouldn't be that. I don't like my nails, my hair, my body, the things I write, the things I create. Maybe I'm getting sick again or maybe it's just one of those days where I feel a little lost.





I'm trying to find ways of cheering myself up, like taking photographs. However, I still feel unhappy which worries me because I usually feel a little better about myself. I'm trying to listen to music, but instead that just makes me feel even sadder.



"I like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly"
"Fireflies" by Owl City


This is a marble that I found when I was still in school. It was laying in the school parking lot. I think it is the prettiest marble I have ever seen. It reminds me of the moon with all it's craters. Sometimes it makes me think of a little water bubble. Then there are days when it makes me think of the plant Earth and I am standing here on this one spot. Then you guys are here in different other spots.


I hope to find myself again soon, so that I can go back to smiling genuinely. I still have two more months of summer left and I want to enjoy it as much as I can.

I never realized that there was such a nice white space in my living room. So I decided to practice taking a couple of pictures of myself. It's all natural light and no editing in Photoshop. Well, just a slight blue tint to freshen up the pictures. It's a really nice change from my usual raspberry pink walls.


( lily-colored walls )


I'm going to see Year One with my cousin today. We wanted to watch it earlier in the afternoon, but my little brother has to go swimming so we have to wait for his lessons to end. He was crying about it!

I already miss my friends from school. I really want to see them again so I might throw a get-to-together at a restaurant to eat. It's also Vanessa and Denise's birthday this month, so I want to do a little birthday surprise for them. I already have their gifts and cards. ♥

I want to get a hair makeover. Last week I tried to convince my hairdresser to give me straight bangs, but he refused! But I understand why because my face is round and I have small forehead. So I was thinking about dyeing my hair. I was thinking a reddish-brown color (although it would be so awesome if I could do blonde.) I would do a light brown, but I actually think that would funny on me. What do you think F-list?